A Simple Comment

Yesterday was our normal routine. We made sure all lessons were done before speech therapy. My children and I were running behind but only ended up a couple of minutes late. My third son was very excited to show his therapist what he had cut and pasted the day before. A letter A and an apple picture. He gave me a "bye mom", verbally and a "I love you", with sign language and went into his therapy.

My little girl was sleeping in my arms and I pulled our history book out to read to the boys in the waiting area. I began reading, then had a bit of conversation with a kind lady who works at the facility. My oldest was reciting from memory a game manual from one of his favorite games to her. As I was about to go back to reading, another mother asked if my oldest was autistic. She seemed bubbly and outgoing. I responded yes, he has Aspergers syndrome. Then she made a comment about how tired I looked and how they must wear me out. I said, "nope, not really". Her next comment was , "my best friends son was just diagnosed with Autism". She then moved over to me and right next to my son and said, " do you have problems with the violence with him." She pointed to him as if he were a museum exhibit instead of a human being.

My feelings on this comment. First, it was completely out of line and rude to say in front of a 10 year old, who happens to be the most mild mannered kid I have ever meant and has never raised a hand to anyone. My response was absolutely not, but he is a brillant reader. With my children I focus on the positive , their gifts and try to reroute the negative talk. My oldest said, Yes, I am a brilliant reader". I have heard this over and over. Autistic kids do not like to be touched and they are violent. Well, autistic kids have personalities and some may be but people are people and everyone is different . My oldest is so opposite that it just tore at me she said that in front of him, without any concern for his feelings. Both of my Autistic boys loved to be held as babies, are extremely affectionate and it is simply sad they have to fight such ignorance.

Part of me understands where the misconception takes place. With severe autism the inability to understand and speak would inevitability result in your flight or fight mechanism kicking in at times. Some actions are also incredibly reflexive. What would it feel like to live in a foreign film with no subtitles and with the inability or severe struggle to learn the language around you. Any aggression I have seen from my third son has come from an inability for him to understand what is happening around him. Think of how comforting a mothers words can be, what if you could never or barley understood them. These comments have not only been made by strangers but also by family. It becomes very tiring, very quickly. My children have phenomenal hurdles to over come and are doing it everyday. Ignorance and rudeness just increases the number of road blocks they run into.

I was very proud of how my oldest handled the situation. Blessings are blessing!